Libel Bites
Miniature Libels For the Subscriber On The Go
The Knicks Win The Championship—Taking Accountability
Boy, do I have egg on my face! In my April 20, 2026 issue, “Fan Posters To Get You Better Seats At The Garden,” I poked a little fun at owner James Dolan for his habit of surveilling guests and kicking out people who are critical of him. One of my joke posters said, “James Dolan is TRYING HIS BEST and there is a distinct possibility the Knicks will win another championship, given a long enough time horizon.” Well, less than two months later, they’ve done it! I think it’s safe to say that I was wrong, and that using facial recognition on fans is, in fact, a good thing. How did I manage to be so wrong about the Knicks’ championship prospects? Simple: I have never watched a full basketball game. I have attended basketball games, but I am usually watching the animations on the jumbotron. Still, it’s nice to see a lot of my friends happy and celebrating this exciting win.
UFC Freedom 250—THIS. IS. NORMAL.
After Donald Trump was inaugurated the first time, the comedian Hari Kondabolu tweeted—every single day—the reminder that all of Trump’s antics and actions were not normal:
This was true enough, but it was a claim with an expiration date. How many days in a row can something not be normal before it does, indeed, become normal? This is not a rhetorical question! The answer, it turns out, is 570:
That was the last day he tweeted it—I guess on August 14, 2018, he looked around and thought, huh, this actually is normal now.
That’s how it feels now, when they are holding a UFC fight on the White House Lawn, and—although it’s certainly being covered—it just isn’t that shocking. Just more of the same! Teddy Roosevelt is surely spinning in his grave (because he didn’t think of it first).
Where Do Ideas Come From?
A couple weeks ago, I was scrolling on Instagram and came across this video from sketch group “We The Internet TV,” which shows a big, tough prisoner lamenting the fact that everyone’s always trying to beat him up to prove their toughness. Whoa, I thought—this is the same as my article from September 2025, “As The Biggest, Toughest Guy In This Prison, I’m Tired Of Everybody Trying To Establish Their Status By Kicking My Ass”! I thought the sketch was hilarious, but I was dismayed to learn that it was from 2018. Then, a few days ago, I was scrolling and came upon this article from The Onion, “Biggest Guy In Prison Tired Of Every New Inmate Beating Shit Out Of Him On Their First Day”, which was also from 2018.
I was confident I’d never seen the sketch before, because the name of the group didn’t trigger any memories, but I’d be less confident about saying I’d never seen The Onion article, since I read The Onion all the time. It was just sort of an interesting experience, because the idea for that article occurred to me like any other idea I’ve had. I truly don’t know where my ideas for jokes come from—they just kind of pop into my head and I build on them. But a joke like this, that riffs on a widely known cliché, has a greater chance of popping into other people’s heads, too. Anyway, I guess the lesson I’ve learned is that proper satirical hygiene would probably entail searching to see if the idea has already been done!1
Notes:
Why did I write this? I’d been toying with doing a “bites” version of the newsletter before, usually when there are multiple things I want to write about. If you enjoyed it, please throw a brick through my living room window!
What I’m reading: Still in the midst of Master Of The Senate—outstanding! Reveals some truly revolting Johnson episodes, like his sabotage of Leland Olds, who was being nominated for a third term as chair of the Federal Power Commission. To give you a sense, Wikipedia says the hearings “were considered by some as a template for the later McCarthyite purges.”
Thanks Michael I enjoy seeing what you are reading! Finished Israel what went wrong. Interesting take care!