10 Books That Are Dating Red Flags

If you see one of these on your date's shelf: run!

The date’s going well. You’re invited back to their place to listen to their collection of vinyl whalesong records. Sparks are flying. They excuse themselves to “slip into something more comfortable,” which turns out to be a novelty t-shirt depicting Moby Dick wearing shades and doing karaoke. While they’re gone, though, you take a few minutes to peruse their bookshelves. Hopefully, they have normal books, like The Complete Libel, or The Joy Of Cooking, or The Hardy Boys. But for some, to look at their bookshelf is to look into the darkness in their soul. If you see any of these books on your date’s shelves, leave immediately.

1. [Your Full Legal Name] Will Die on [Today’s Date] By [Your Date’s Name]

2. How To Fake An Interest In Contemporary Whalesong To Woo Romantic Partners

3. Unlucky In Love: Why They’re The Problem

4. Whales: What’s The Big Deal?

5. The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: Reader’s Digest Abridged Edition

6. The Lady Durst Protest Too Much: The Life And Times Of Fred Durst

7. Chicken Soup For The Cannibal’s Soul

8. How To Stop Fighting And Learn To Live With Your Body Odor

9. Prudent Financial Decisions And Why Making Them Is Boring

10. I Am An Evil Person And I Plan To Destroy Your Life By [Your Date’s Name]

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Notes:

• Why did I write this? People were sharing a screenshot of an article with this title. I didn’t read the article, but it’s fun to imagine what books might be “red flags.”

• What I’m reading: Edith Hamilton’s Mythology. I was assigned this book in the eighth grade. I’m not sure if I read any of it then, but am enjoying it now. Hamilton tells you the sources she’s pulling different myths from, which is nice. A good primer on Greek myth!